North Devon’s untouchables put brusque Bridgewater to bed with poetry

In their sixth outing of the season, North Devon Ladies’ 1s hosted Bridgewater — a team famous for their physical play, post-relegation grumpiness and pride at sitting second in the table.

Captain Shauna Vetch opened with what should have been a sensible, motivational speech, declaring “They can’t touch us”.

Alas, this inspired her players to burst straight into MC Hammer mode like a boisterous flash mob. While tactical instructions seemed lost among the excitement, the team still produced the best start possible.

In a 50-Second masterclass, North Devon opened the scoring in rip-roaring fashion: following a sharp midfield interception, Paige Potter slipped the ball to a turbo-charged Martika Gallagher down the right side, who found Georgie Warrallo at the far post.

Cooler than a cucumber dipped in ice water, she reversed the ball into the back of the net to make it 1-0.

Bridgewater crumbled, reacting with tackles that belonged in a crime documentary. All the while, North’s midfield shone through the chaos: Emily Thorpe dancing through players with poetic dribbling; Paige Potter delivering fine pass after fine pass; and Shauna Vetch bulldozing through the middle with boundless energy.

As North held on to their lead, Bridgewater produced their sole dangerous moment: a fearsome shot on goal, which Rachel Pasons, sliding on her knees like at a rock concert, deflected with heroic flair.

A fine moment for the crowd (and her kneecaps) to remember.

At half time, Kirsty Crocker — hamstring-injured but with wisdom fully intact — dispensed some soothing, grounded advice to calm the team for the remaining battle ahead.

The second half began with improved discipline and poise, except for Jess Ravenhill-White who, like a warrior, shushed one of Bridgewater’s lairy midfielders, roared against a moaning defender to win a free hit and collided with another. Poetry. And with no cards brandished despite the away side’s protests.

North’s defence remained ice-cold, with Emily Shawcross, Katie MacKeith and Nell Thomas producing perfectly timed tackles and passes to keep Joey Lester protected in goal.

To put the match to bed, North came up with some short-corner sorcery: the first, which inspired yet more moaning from Bridgewater, was struck cleanly by Georgie Warrallo, then deflected beautifully by Shauna Vetch into the bottom corner.

Cue another chorus of “Can’t Touch This”! Shortly after, North won another and produced the exact routine like clockwork: same shot, same deflection, same corner.

North revelled in their triumph, while Bridgewater huffed, puffed and became increasingly frantic. Then the final whistle blew, handing all three points and bragging rights to North.

They just couldn’t touch us!

Elsewhere, the Men’s 1s lost narrowly 2-1 away against Ashmoor 2s; the Men’s 2s fell 0-6 at home to Exeter 2s; and the Ladies’ 2s sunk Culm Valley Hornets 2s 0-2 on the road.